I'm Scared of Fish

When I list my biggest fears; public speaking, premature death, dead animals, running out of gas in the middle of the desert, losing good friends, and squat toilets; eating fish always ends up at the very top. It's become pretty severe. After all, I will speak in front of the public if I have to (on occasion I even volunteer), I use squat toilets when there is no other option, and anyone who uses Ojeg on a regular basis can't fear premature death too much, but I can't even seem to get a forkful of fish into my mouth. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because fish stare at me when they are dead (that really plays into my fear of dead animals). Maybe it's because crabs and lobsters resemble insects, and octopi and squid resemble worms. Maybe it's because on a trip to Mackinac Island I collected many beautiful crayfish claws only to find them full of maggots when I got back home. No matter how, the older I get, the harder it is for me to eat seafood. This wasn't a big deal in the US since seafood costs more than most people can afford, but I have run into a problem here in the land of the 50-cent lunch. I've been served fish four times now. The first time was in Jakarta at a fast-breaking party. I picked up a piece of squid, bit halfway down, gagged because of the texture, and consequently hid it under my rice. The second time, it was my only option other than rice and vegetables, and I was able to swallow down a little by dousing it in excessive amounts of ketchup and chasing it down with a mouthful of rice. That way, I could avoid both taste and texture. I was shocked the third time: I thought I'd ordered chicken, so when the waiter plopped a huge fish in front of me, I got the same feeling as I get when I've failed a major test in school. To my relief, it was a family-style restaurant, so I did get my chicken after all. The only reason they put the fish in front of me was because there was space. Tonight, I was offered fish again, which is why I felt I needed to write this blog. Even though I ended up eating chicken, I found nothing scarier than to see that my family had ordered almost all seafood dishes. I just hope I've managed not to offend my host family in this respect. Hmm...not a very profound mini-blog entry, but I hope you enjoyed it.